Cracktacular
by Person With Many Aliases
Summary: In which Arika and Nina discuss foot massages, Mikoto smokes and kills stuff, Shizuru explains reverse bear traps, and the Author and Company try to remember what they were talking about last chapter.
1. THIS! IS! WINDBLOOM!

A/N: Just watched My-Hime/Otome. Posted at the Behest of Sheo Darren. My-HiME and Otome are property of Sunrise, Inc. My-Characters are mine. Har har.

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Glasses of juice, cola, or alcohol slammed against each other in a loud "KAMPAI!" inside the living room of Person With Many Aliases' home.

"Ai! I'm so happy you could come to this little party, Yuuki-chan." The mentally unstable Author crooned to his silent counterpart, who was dividing her time between sipping apple juice and chewing peanuts.

"It was the least I could do. Congratulations on yet another… 'successful' tour from Midnight Carnival." Yuuki wryly said under a thin, knowing smile

"Yeah, and for Haruhi finally getting drunk. Lightweight." Another sniped, as he leaned against Chloe with a glass of brandy in his hand.

"That's not funny, Colt!"

"You should be a bit more courteous, Jeremy." Chloe gently reminded, between massaging the larger man's temples. Colt just shrugged.

Mina Makijina shifted in her kneel beside Person, "I-I heard that you had some trouble on tour."

That seemed to set the SOS Brigade chief off, "Trouble!? We were attacked. In EVERY SINGLE CONCERT!"

The archer's eyes widened, "Really?"

Person grinned, "Really!"

Yuuki sighed, "You should really just pick better songs…"

"But my songs are good!"

"Remember that ninja village? That was probably where all the trouble started…" Colt groaned, recalling past memories.

Haruhi nodded vigorously, "And that Uminari city!"

Person rubbed his chin as he remembered each and every incident, when suddenly, "Hey, Colt! Remember that time we did the gig in that campus? Fuuka Academy or something?"

"Good god that was retarded…"

Haruhi's eyebrows furrowed, "I don't remember performing there."

Person nodded sagely, "You had a cold that time. But I remember that. It was the time we played that 'Rick Roll' song. And then the usual happened…"

Haruhi's face started to deadpan, "And who was it then…?"

Person grinned. Colt just sighed.

"If I remember, it was like this-"

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On the streets of Cairo, a TV exploded.

A car flattened.

A lamppost twisted out of shape.

Frightened civilians backed away, while a girl with wheat brown hair lay across the ground, a knife dug to the hit in her chest, blood pouring across her chest.

She managed a phlegmatic cough, "Natsuki…run… keep your distance…"

Down the empty road, a girl with blue hair in a biker suit stared down the taller man in the black coat.

A rip slashed down Kuga Natuski's cheek, flecking blood everywhere.

Jeremy Colt just sneered as he crossed his arms, "Is that all, Natsuki?"

Another car's hood was crushed beside Colt. A crater crippled the ground by Natsuki's feet.

"Is that all the power you have?"

Natsuki's eyes narrowed, "Bastard…"

Immediately, a wolf like figure emerged from the girl, howling "ORA!" repeatedly, fists ripping through the air at lightning speed. Colt let his teeth grind in arrogant delight.

"Why don't we see who's the fastest?"

From the black-clad man, a robotic figure flew out. Between either phantasm, large fists attempted to rocket by each other, clashing against the wall of punches.

Colt's eyes glinted for a second, as he snorted, "Not even remotely close… so slow, so LAME!"

The machine body broke through with a lightning fast punch, smashing into the defense the wolven form brought up, though the blow echoed back to it's master, Natuski, who then slid down the street from the force of the blow. As the biker HiME lowered her arms from her face-

"**ZA WARUDO!"**

A wave of energy washed over the world. Natuski, along with everything else, stopped in time.

"The time is frozen…"

As for Colt, he merely walked up to the statuesque opponent.

"This girl's a mystery… with her inferior level of Stand power, how she survived my attack is entirely beyond me."

On a mental command, the knight-like robot appeared before Colt, before ramming three bone shattering punches into the defenseless and senseless Natsuki, spilling blood from her frozen mouth as she floated askew awkwardly in mid-time.

With that, Colt turned around, smirking, "The grand finale was unexpectedly simple."

Natsuki was suddenly flying through the air, before smashing against a lamppost with enough force to bend it out of shape, before slumping down against the ground.

"The Kuga bloodline that has pestered me, the all powerful Colt, has finally come to an end." The man concluded, before walking away.

A grunt of pain behind him snapped him out of his reverie.

"What?!"

Natsuki slowly brought herself to her feet, muttering to herself, "I'm banged up alright… but I'm alive. What the hell… why did I survive again?"

"Natsuki… what did you do just now?" Colt coldly demanded.

The HiME just wiped the blood from her mouth in contempt.

"I asked you what did you do just now!? WHY ARE YOU ALIVE!?"

Natsuki gave a retorting smirk, "Don't know… but it looks like your Stand isn't as special as you think it is."

Colt choked in rage, "Hold your tongue… **ZA WARUDO!**"

Natsuki froze before she could even properly react. Instantly, Colt's robotic Stand appeared before the girl, smashing an uppercut right into her stomach. As Colt observed, his eyes widened in shock:

_What?! But that is- Impossible!_

Just faintly, the psychic could see silver paws crossed in front of Natsuki's stomach, which had taken the majority of the blow instead.

_DURAN!?_

Colt's Stand backed away immediately, preparing to land another blow. Before that happened Natsuki's wolf-like summon came out from the time-frozen girl to return a heavy punch into the robot, which could only feebly block with one arm in time. Even then the blow was enough to shatter a good portion of the machine's hand, causing Colt's own in turn to erupt in a series of bloody gashes, before the force of the blow sent him flying across the street into a butcher's shop.

Time flowed again. Natsuki flew into the top of the lamppost before slamming back to the ground, panting heavily in shock. As she stood she looked down at her gloved hands.

_Without any conscious effort, Duran has been protecting me this entire time… for a second I'd swear I could see him move even though time was stopped…__**move!**_

Inside the ruined butchery, alongside knives that were buried in his flesh and scattered racks of meat, Colt leaned back up into a seated position, pondering, as wounds automatically healed and knives were plucked from his body.

"Interesting… Natsuki, her Duran, and mine, Robo-Ky are actually similar types of Stands…"

Colt disappeared from view. Natsuki gasped, until she heard Colt's voice again, from atop a lamppost, where the shadow of his hat covered everything except his glowing eyes.

"How very unexpected of Duran to come into my frozen world…"

Again, the man blinked out of view, reemerged standing on the railing of a balcony. Natsuki kept her eyes trained on him the entire time.

"You watched me from within the frozen time… not unlike a child first learning how to ride a bike. You'll get it no time. Hmph, after Nao revealed the secret of Robo-Ky, you were able to figure out the idea of time freeze, and then become aware of _moving_ inside frozen time. I suppose your comrade's death was _not_ wasted after all."

"You… killed Nao…" Was all the biker to growl out, hatred pouring into her more and more.

Colt's voice suddenly came from behind. Spinning around, Natsuki found him seated on the hood of a car, moving his foot idly as he pondered aloud.

"So now, I have to say to myself, just how many seconds are you able to move in frozen time? One second? Two seconds? Or maybe you can move around for five seconds like me and you're just pretending?"

Natsuki cursed inwardly, _This is bad. He can move for five whole seconds. Just before it took everything I could to just move for an instant, I can't let him know that, it's not enough time for me to fight back-_

"Well, I'm sure you don't want me to know about it, but judging from what I can see, you can probably move for no more than an instant at best."

Natsuki snorted.

"Still, you _can_ move in frozen time, no matter how brief, and to approach you without caution is not something a wise person would do…"

Colt shifted his legs, and stood atop the car. Eyes darkly twinkled with ideas of all sorts.

"Ah but, Natsuki, regardless of that fact… I just thought of the perfect way to execute you!"

Reaching out from behind him, Colt unearthed dozens of knives clenched between his hands. Natsuki backed away, realizing in terror what was planned.

The psychic grinned from beyond his blades, "What's the matter! You seem a little pale! You realize that you're end will be much worse that Shizuru's!?"

Cursing, Natsuki had Duran appear crouched for just a second, before the biker was sent flying high into the air. Colt just looked, wildy sneering.

"A USELESS GESTURE! I HAVE YOU IN CHECKMATE! **ZA WARUDO!**"

Natsuki froze in mid-air.

Colt leapt onto a nearby rooftop next to the stilled figure.

"So, explain how you're going to get away from these knives, Natsuki!"

Blades were hurled through the air, before time slowed them down until they stopped just inches in front of the HiME.

"Heh, the fact you can see them makes it all the more terrifying!"

More and more knives stopped in the air, until a veritable wall of blades floated in front of Natsuki, merely waiting for time to continue and let them proceed in their trajectory.

Colt grinned, "If you don't do something about it now, you're going to have problems later…"

Natsuki grunted with effort, her body trying to fight against the physics of time itself, until the girl only managed to summon her wolf Stand, and with a cry, knocking a few blades away, before freezing completely again.

Several dozens more remained pointed. Colt smirked.

"Is that the best you can do? And thus we prove you can only move for an instant at a time… and that time's up."

Knives rocketed through the air. Duran howled and punched away.

"ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA! ORA!"

Steel fists knocked away dozens of blades per second, but it could hardly stop them all, and easily six of them slammed into Natsuki's body, forcing blood out of her mouth as she began to fall from the air limply.

Colt lightly waved one more blade, "It's all over, but one more to be SURE!"

With that, Colt hurled his blade. On instinct, Natsuki threw out Duran one more time, blade ricocheting off the fist and ripping a line of red off Natsuki's head.

She fell into the streets of Cairo-

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"Hold up one goddamned minute-"

"Language, Jeremy."

"It DID NOT happen like that!"

Person waved dismissively, "I'm just adding a bit of drama into the story-"

"Drama! Where the hell did you come up with the ideas of me throwing knives and shit!? You idiot!"

"You're no fun… You should wait for the part with the Steamroller-"

Haruhi was beside herself, "Steamroller!?"

"Nevermind him, Haruhi. Person's just being retarded again." Colt coldly glared. The Canadian just beamed like nothing was happening.

"Well, at least those girls didn't catch a bad case of _Master of Puppets_, like you wanted, Colt!"

"Screw you. If you wanna play that way, remember that time you thought it was a good idea to have a concert in Windbloom because it was the Queen's birthday?"

Haruhi apparently did, as her face began to eat hand with a hearty moan. Yuuki gave a smarting look.

"And what happened there?'

"This idiot here decided he wanted to do happy songs. We ended up doing a lot of Jamiroquai songs, and guess who decided to get one of them stuck in her head? Of course, her royal highness. Of course, we might have been able to solve this simply, but guess what happens?"

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"Madness? THIS. IS. WINDBLOOM!"

The child-queen planted her foot into Person's shin.

"Aie! That hurt!"

Mashiro scoffed and folded her arms, "I should have built a pit for the castle…"

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"…That's it?"

"I don't tell stupid stories like Person. He was in prison until we had to bail his stupid ass out."

Yuuki smirked, "Really? I thought father told me about how 666-lives liked to share afterglow stories with Chloe about-"

"Those aren't stupid." Colt blurted out.

Everyone found the opening to finally laugh at his expense. His hat did a great job about hiding a reddening face.

Suzumiya Haruhi remembered something suddenly, "Hey, I wasn't able to perform at the Fuuka concert, right? But I still met this totally cool pair on my spare time..."

"Oh." Colt could only deadpan, before taking another swig of brandy.

"Yeah, because one of them was this really cool robot, and she really was protective of this little girl, and I was thinking this would make a really cool movie!"

"Oh."

"Now, if that blondy, goaty looking girl was about a teenager… and maybe a bit bustier… and maybe a bit of punkish…"

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Terminator model C-017, "Jeremiah", conveniently disguised as a police officer, scoured through Northridge mall, asking various children:

"Do you know Alyssa Searrs?"

"Naw."

Somewhere down below, the Multiple Intelligencial Yggdrasil Unit silently roamed the mall lobby, a box of roses tucked under the arms of her heavy leather clothing. All the while, C-017 scoured a game arcade. Stopping a passing red-headed girl, he asked.

"Have you seen this guy?"

"…Never."

They parted. Nao took a cautious look behind her before quickly pacing toward a jet-fighter simulator, inside a real teen rebel played away, armed with ragged shocks of golden hair and rumpled clothes from sleeping in them for too long.

"Hey, 'lyssa!"

"Not now-"

"'lyssa! There's some cop scooping for you! Check it out!"

That got Alyssa's attention. Carefully peering over the shoulder of her buddy who covered her, she noticed with, growing apprehension, the sight of a pimply teen male pointing in her direction. The officer that interviewed him quickly began to march forward.

"Go! Just go!" Nao quietly hissed. Alyssa tumbled out of the game cabinet, throwing her nylon backpack onto her shoulders. Noticing golden hair slipping out the unauthorized backdoor, Jeremiah began to move as if possessed, shoving people out of the way without notice of their complaints as he quickly followed. All the while, Alyssa scrabbled down the white hallways inside the mall. Rounding a corner, she noticed an exit that led back to the shopping area. She pounced at the door.

A woman with blue hair and black leather and sunglasses slammed through. She took one look at Alyssa before reaching into her box of roses.

Buds fluttered into the air as a Remington Lever-Action shotgun was cocked.

Alyssa's world stopped.

_Oh god, this can't be real._

Throwing herself back into the last hallway, the blonde quickly tried one door. Locked. She tried to race to the next.

By then, the cop was already in the hallway behind her mechanically reaching for his berretta. On the other side of her, the woman with the shotgun pointed.

_OhgodohgodohgodI'mgunnadie-_

"Get down."

That simple command seemed the world the Alyssa and she dropped to the linoleum tiling, thunder fall flying over her head.

Jeremiah staggered back, purple blade-like extensions ripping out from the point of impact. Quickly, the faux officer regained himself, bringing his small arms to bear. While Alyssa tried to scramble away from this nightmare, the woman simply picked her up by the middle and swung her around so that her heavy leather body was between Alyssa and the policeman.

Alyssa screamed as she felt 9mm bullets rip into the woman's back that was protecting her. For an eternity, bullets flew, when all of a sudden the woman slammed her arm-

_SHE'S STILL ALIVE?!_

-into the locked door, jarring it open and throwing Alyssa inside.

C-017 quickly let the magazine drop from his gun while he procured a new one and began to fire. The woman simply turned around and began to walk forward and fire. One. Twice. Thrice.

Jeremiah rocked back and forth as six slugs planted themselves into his chest, sending purple spike everywhere, until the last sent him completely onto his back, unmoving. During the lull, the woman began to quickly reach into her pocket to slide new shells into her gun's internal magazine. Alyssa hesitantly peered out from her cover.

The blades on the officer's chest began to recede, until the violet surface reverted into a completely unaffected torso. Jeremiah jumped onto his feet and grabbed the leather-clad woman's gun. She jerked to try and let it loose. He didn't let go.

In that instant, between their cold faces, entire words were exchanged inaudibly.

I am C-017 my mission is to eliminate Alyssa Searrs. I am MIYU my mission is to protect Alyssa Searrs. We are at an impasse. I will defeat you and kill Alyssa Searrs. I will defeat you and protect Alyssa Searrs.

Miyu quickly grabbed C-017 by the shoulders, throwing him into one wall and another, before he returned with double the force, shattering concrete and sending them both tumbling through a plaster wall.

In this lull, Alyssa quickly scrambled for the doors, dashing for the car park.

All the while, Miyu was thrown against a rack of clothing of the shop they found themselves in, the sound of aluminum tumbling across carpet, before Jeremiah hauled the woman up and swung her into the outer glass displays, sending shards crashing everywhere along with noises of horrified shoppers. With his opponent momentarily incapacitated, C-017 headed back and quickly down the stairwell.

"Come on! Come on!" Alyssa screamed to her small dirt bike, the engine refusing to start up with her kicks. Horror growing on her, she found the familiar form of the police… assassin… whatever he was, slamming through the doors.

"Come ON!"

The rumble of the engine started. Alyssa sped away. Jeremiah was not stopped by such a sight, and only began to rush after her silently, coldly, deadly Olympic strength that seemed to have no trouble keeping up right behind the girl on the bike. Even as Alyssa hopped over a hedge barrier, Jeremiah simply kept up. But as she turned a corner, she found herself on the main streets, quickly gaining ground, even if she risked nearly getting flattened by a tow truck.

"God damnit! Watch where yer going, punk!" The truck driver swore to himself. It was too late for him to notice when a pair of hands threw him out the open door.

C-017 slammed the door shut behind him, switched gears and slammed down on the gas.

Behind him, a heavyset Harley Davidson Fat Boy rolled onto the streets, Miyu seated on it.

Alyssa jerked her head behind her at the sound of screeching tires. Her racing heart only picked up speed as she saw the large truck smash cars out of the way.

_Ohmygodohmygodohmygod-_

Swerving sharply, too sharp even for a truck to handle, Alyssa disappeared down a ramp into a storm canal, littered only by fetid water and dried out scrap.

Nothing followed. Sensing a passing danger, Alyssa slowly came to a halt, until she passed a bridge. She looked behind.

Nothing.

Then a sound of shrieking horns. Alyssa's eyes widened.

A tow truck flew over the bridge and dived into the canal, shaking sparks loose, buckling grills and fenders, and continuing on.

Jeremiah coldly drove on.

Up above, Miyu followed the pursuit, watching the large truck bounce from one side of the canal to the other, sending screeches and sparks everywhere as it chased the blonde girl on the miniscule bike. As she closed in, she pulled out her Remington and fire, ripping a pair of large holes alongside the hull of the tow truck, though the damage was inconsequential, and the vehicle surged on. Firing a third time, a lock at the end of the road Miyu was on exploded, letting her pass across the deserted intersection of one street and back onto the canal path.

Down below, Alyssa raced on furiously past rusted out wreckage of cars and shopping carts that were left abandoned on the canal and subsequently flattened by the monstrous black tow truck. Up ahead, a low bridge waned in the distance, and Alyssa kicked down the gas, sending her rocketing past.

C-017 seemed to have no issues with it, even as the truck smashed into the low bridge, shaving the roof of the cabin off into scrap metal and orange plastic.

Alyssa turned around to check whether the driver had been taken out from that.

Jeremiah just swung up into view, pushing a shattered pane out of the way. Trying to gun the engine further, Alyssa reeled in horror as she found her bike was already giving her all, while the truck continued to gain speed.

_No…_

The truck's fender bumped into Alyssa's bike forcefully jerking her forward with a yelp. Jeremiah tried again, hoping to topple the girl's ride and send her under the truck's wheels.

Somewhere behind the truck, bike threw itself off the side of the canal and into it, sending sparks everywhere.

The faux officer turned back to see Miyu approaching. Taking action, Jeremiah swerved from side to side to match Miyu, doing whatever he could to prevent her from passing. At last minute, the Harley Davidson rushed past the tow truck before it was flattened between it and the concrete walling. Coming up alongside Alyssa, Miyu handily plucked the surprised girl from her own bike and depositing it on her own, letting the small dirt runner get crushed under the heavy wheels of their pursuer.

Pulling out her shotgun, Miyu pointed back and fired once. The front tire of the tow truck exploded into a mess of black rubber, leaving Jeremiah to flounder for control while Miyu and Alyssa passed a division in the canal.

C-017 slammed on the brakes to no avail. The truck smashed itself into the concrete divider, twisting the vehicle out of shape.

In the lull, a sparking wire caught onto the leaking tank of diesel.

Miyu and Alyssa drove away from an exploding truck, before sliding to a halt to confirm the damage.

Catiously, Miyu threw up her shotgun to aim at an emerging figure.

The burning tire faltered for a few seconds, before dropping onto its side.

Apparently satisfied, Miyu holstered her weapon and drove away with her charge.

Amidst the flaming wreckage a violet figure walked out, tendrils floating from its nearly human body.

Colors of flesh and police uniform returned, and Jeremiah just looked on, before moving.

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"Well, what do you think? Pretty good, huh?" Haruhi smirked.

Yuuki hummed something under her breath.

"Hey! Devil Child! You better fund me for this movie, since you're so rich anyways!"

"I'll settle a meeting about it…"

Person scratched his head, "Actually come to think of it, you reminded me of something, Haruhi…"

"Really?"

"Really. Remember when we were in Windbloom… remember that girl… Tomoe? You know, that one with the baby fetish."

"_Ugh..."_ Colt visibly shivered.

"Well, I was just thinking that suit of hers… you know how it turns in a plane mode or something?"

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The searing red laser just managed to miss Tomoe's form, though it ripped off the missile rack in a blaze of glory. The girl cursed in her mind.

_Damnit, at this rate I'll have to take the Limiters off…_

A voice garbled into Tomoe's headset as she dodged around in the night sky, trying to get a fix on her automated foe.

"Tomoe, how're doing!?"

"Great. Just great… you know… I never got to say sorry…"

"…What?"

"Look, I've got to go, but before I do, I want to propose a toast, to our reunion since seven years ago!"

"Tomoe… wait- Tomoe! Don't tell me you're-"

The Valkyrie cut the conversation off, now completely devoted to this last action. Putting a shield up, Tomoe managed to repel several blasts before a series of explosions left her crippled and falling into a narrow ravine.

In the darkness, her enemy, the X-9 Ghost flew upward, apparently victorious.

Tomoe smirked.

In moments, her battered suit ejected its broken limbs and sent her flying up in her vehicular set-up.

BODILY SAFETY LIMITERS OFF?CONFIRM?

CONFIRMED

The thrusters on her suit opened up a hundred times, and Tomoe could feel the stress of gravity push on her immediately as rocketed out of the ravine and was now chasing the computerized ship move for move, dashing crazily about each other to try and gain the upper hand.

On the Ghost, a bay opened up, releasing an immense payload of homing miniature missiles. The Valkyrie flew forward and continued to crazily spin and dash about each salvo, even though she could feel her own organs beginning to flatten painfully.

As the last of the missiles disappeared behind her, Tomoe summoned her targeting HUD, tracking the escaping Ghost as the pair dueled in the air, faster, faster, faster until they were nothing more than a pair of sentient comets leaving contrails behind as they began to burn their own bodies.

Faster. Faster.

Tomoe could feel her cheek pull away to reveal gritted teeth, skin flatten to reveal stressed veins as G-forces piled on one after the next as she chased the Ghost.

Faster. FASTER.

Tomoe screamed as she felt her eyes explode into a spray of blood, but she could still see with the cameras feeding images directly into her mind. She held what life she could as she swooped in for the kill.

Tomoe's coughed blood onto her HUD.

The Valkyrie dove low and swung up, spearing past the Ghost as it fell from the sky flaming.

And Tomoe saw the blackness of space before she saw nothing at all, a burned corpse floating into the dark-

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Colt grunted, "That's depressing."

"GULD! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO RUIN THAT SHIP OF YOURS!?" Person bawled.

Yuuki sipped her tea. As the night wore on and drinks were becoming more and more depleted, tea leaves started to become a staple drink in the mini party.

"Person, you have both the YF-21 and the YF-22. There's nothing to complain about." Yuuki artfully noted.

"…Oh."

Haruhi snorted in disdain. _Somehow_ she was taught by this man.

"Actually, what you told me about certain denizens of Windbloom caught my attention." Yuuki suddenly said. Everyone turned to the girl with confusion.

"About you told me about that Arika and that Nina."

Colt shrugged, "What about them?"

"They both wield swords at one point or another, correct? An interesting image just entered my head, then-"

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"It's been a long time… _Arika."_

_One Winged Angel: Advent_ started playing, while the brunette looked on in shock as her Sword of Akatsuki had been stopped by a startling familiar black blade.

Orange eyes glared up at the blue Otome, before a sword swing sent her flying up into the air. Spinning into control, Arika landed on a portion of the castle, while a black form with wings fluttered up past her and onto a higher rampart.

The Sword of Miroku idly held in a black hand, Nina made a faint murmur of amusement at her observation of Arika, while her black wings fluttered in the wind.

"Oh? You lost the geostigma? How disappointing."

"What… what are you planning!?" Arika shouted up to the Nina.

Fangs bared in a wicked grin, "The spirits of the deceased who carried the geostigma will flow around the planet with the Harmonium and eventually devour this land. What I'm planning to do, Arika… is to use this world as a chip to travel the dark void of the universe, just like Father did a long time ago…"

Nina's hand rose into the air, and a gesture brought clouds together in an unnatural building storm.

"…and we will eventually create a new world… imagine all the possibilities of the sparkling future in that place, Arika."

Arika's features darkened as she gripped her blade, "And what will happen to the people right now?"

"Who knows? That's up to you… _Arika._"

The two Otome flew each other. Under the darkening sky, their blades crashed.

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"Oi, Yuuki, if Nina ever heard that, she'd be angry."

"It's not like anybody over there has ever watched _Final Fantasy._"

Everybody hummed in thought at that.

Person clucked his tongue, "I wonder, with all those girls at Fuuka having color coded superpowers, did any of them try forming a Super Sentai squad?"

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Thirteen different people sneezed at once.

They looked at each other oddly.


	2. Ara, think of it as a reverse bear trap!

A/N: Yes, I am insane.

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"No, no, no. Look, the way we're arguing here isn't going to solve anything. Let's just go around the circle, one at a time. Like Robot Chicken."

"Robot Chicken sucks."

"You're just saying that to be contrary, Colt."

"Oh, you friggin' figure, Haruhi?"

"Why you-"

"NO! NO! PEACEPIPE! PEACEPIPE! Yuuki! What were we talking about?"

"People from Fuuka or Windbloom."

"Yeah… what topic were we on?"

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Arika Yumemiya and Nina Wàng paced across the sidewalk, clad in their dark feminine cut black suits.

"What was her name again…?" Nina suddenly piped up.

"Shizuru."

"Shizuru… How did Natsuki and her meet?"

"I don't know… people meet people, I guess… used to be an actress or something." Arika shrugged.

"Oh really? What'd she do?"

"I think her biggest deal was she starred in a Pilot."

Nina gave an eyebrow, "Pilot, what's a pilot?"

"You know the shows on TV?"

"…I don't watch TV."

Arika turned around at the front door, sighing, "Well but you are aware there's an invention called the television, and on it they show shows?"

Nina bit down the urge to sneer at the patronization, "Yeah?"

"Well, how they pick shows is that they make one show. They call this show a pilot, and they show this show to the people who pick shows, and on the strength of this one show they decide whether they want to make more shows. Some get chosen and become television programs. Other don't, and become nothing."

Arika grabbed the door handle and swung it open, before turning back.

"She starred in one of the ones that became nothing."

Entering a cheap motel, the conversation took an odd turn.

Arika suddenly asked, "You remember Tomoe Marguerite? Long hair to one side, acted all pretty and stuff?"

"Wasn't she gay?"

"Well, what can we do about it, right?"

Nina shrugged, "Well, what about her?"

"Well, Natsuki fucked her up _good._ Word around the campfire was on account of Natsuki Kruger's new wife."

The elevator chimed, and the two girls stepped in. Nina pressed a floor before prodding.

"What'd she do? Fuck her?"

"No, no. Nothing that serious."

"…Then _what_'d she do?"

"Gave her a foot massage."

"…Foot massage? That's it?"

"Hmm-hmmm"

"Then what'd Natuski do?"

"Sent a couple of cats over to Tomoe's place, took her to the patio and threw her ass over the balcony. Fell four stories, had a little garden at the bottom enclosed in glass like a greenhouse?"

Nina nodded at description.

"Well she fell _through _that. Well since then, she kinda developed a speech im-ped-i-ment."

"That's a damn shame."

"Uh-huh."

As they stepped out of the elevator in the connecting hallways, sparsely decorated with music coming through flimsy wood doors and garish tan lights, Nina spoke of with a general lack of sensitivity.

"Well, I have to say, 'play with matches and you get burned'."

Arika turned back in an incredulous look and they walked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, you shouldn't be giving Natsuki's new bride a foot massage."

"You don't think he _overreacted_?"

Nina rose her arms in defense, "Well, Tomoe probably didn't expect Natsuki to act the way she did, but she must have been expecting _something._"

"It was a foot massage, a foot massage doesn't mean anything. I give my mother a foot massage."

"Well, it's laying your hands in a familiar way on Natsuki's new wife. Is it as bad as eating her out? No, but it's still the same ballpark."

"It isn't even the same thing!"

"It isn't. It's the same ballpark."

Arika turned to stop her partner there, "It's no fucking ballpark neither, I don't know if your method of massage differs from mine, but touching his wife's feet, and sticking your tongue where it shouldn't be isn't the same fucking ballpark, it isn't the same league, it isn't even the same fucking sport! Look, foot massages don't mean shit!"

Nina gave a wry look, "Have you ever given a foot massage?"

Arika snorted, "Hey, don't be telling me about foot massage, I'm the Foot _fucking_ Master!"

"Give 'em a lot?"

"Yeah! Got my technique down and everything."

Nina stepped forward to close the trap. "Would you give a foot massage to John Smith?"

"…Fuck you."

Nina choked back a victorious grin as she followed after a fuming Arika, "Give 'em to him a lot?"

"_Fuck_ you."

"Hey, I'm kinda tired, maybe I could use a foot massage-"

"Hey, cut it out, I'm getting a little pissed here…"

They stepped around a corner till the found a particular door they recognized for its number.

"This is it."

"Yep."

"What time do you have?"

Nina pulled out a pocket watch from her suit, "…Seven Twenty Two AM."

"Hmmm… A bit early. Let's hang back a bit."

The two passed the door until they reached a stairwell. Debate ensued.

"Now look, just because I wouldn't give a foot massage to everyone doesn't mean it was right for Natsuki to throw Tomoe off a building into a glass motherfucking house, fucking up the way she talks. That shit isn't right. A motherfucker do that to me, he'd better paralyze my ass 'cause I'd kill the motherfucker, you know what I'm saying?"

Nina snorted as she tried to explain, "I'm not saying it's right, but you're saying that a foot massage doesn't mean anything, and I'm saying it _does_. I've given a million girls a million foot massages, and they _all_ meant something. We act like it doesn't but they do. I mean, that's what's so fucking cool about it. There's a sensuous thing going on where you don't talk about it, but you know it, she knows it… fucking Natsuki knew it, and Tomoe better should have fucking known about it. I mean, it's her fucking wife, there's no sense of humor about this shit. You know what I'm saying?"

Arika mulled it over for a second, "It's an interesting point. Come on, let's get into character."

The two stood before the door, before one more question nagged at the Nina.

"What's her name again?"

"Shizuru."

"Shizuru…"

"Why you so interested in the Boss's wife?"

"Well, she's going out of town to Florida so she asked me to take care of her while she's gone."

"…_Take Care?"_ Arika asked incredulously, pointing a finger at her temple as a mock gun.

"No, no! Just take her out… show her a good time, make sure she doesn't get lonely…"

"…You're going to be taking Shizuru out on a _date?_"

"It's _not _a date. It's like… if you were taking your buddy's wife to a movie… just good company, that's all."

She was met with silence.

They stood there for while longer.

"It's not a date. It's _definitely_ not a date."

Arika just snorted.

-

-

-

"No, wait. We weren't talking about that. I taste too much Tarintino. I thought we were on… what were we talking about?"

"Something about Justice…"

"Afro Samurai?"

-

-

-

Under the chill blue moonlight, a none-too-friendly party of men ringed in a smallish girl, though she seemed fairly nonplused, standing limply with a cigarette in her mouth burning slowly, a massive black sword flush against her back.

From the group, a particular spokesman stepped out, marked by his one single working eye, the other milky white and bulging out uselessly.

"This is the end of the road… Cat Sam'rai!"

The girl in question didn't seem to notice that. The man was too indulgent in his little monologue to care either.

"We got twenty men here, all armed to the teeth. We didn't say we were gonna play fair, were we? Got no idea why, but some rich folk are willing to play top dollar for the trinket 'round your neck… so why don't you, give it up, kid?"

The girl refused to answer. The leader shrugged.

"Everybody's a tough guy. Okay, have it your way. Get ready, boys!"

Blades and guns and knives and spears and sickles and chains and every other possible what not was pulled out, shining under the cold white moon. As the clouds pulled the world back into darkness, she merely swung her cigarette away with her mouth, before both hands grabbed the red handle of her sword and throwing the massive weight into a ready position by her side. The leader scoffed.

"Look here, guys. Big girl's gonna try and take us out with a sword bigger than her… GO GET 'ER!"

In moments the crowd closed in running, screaming, blades leading. The back, men with archaic flintlocks waited for the right moment to fire.

An explosion, a red hot steel marble flew through the air. Her eyes snapped open. Swinging her sword out, tip sparking across the ground, she slammed the edge right upon the burning shot.

Fragments of metal flew past her, ripping into the men that were behind.

"What the- That's impossible!"

"Sonova-"

"FreekinmotherImgunnaCUTYAAA!"

A flash of light, with red right after, and limbs started flying. Possibly, with a bloody corpse attached to it. Swirling around, she delivered kicks that shattered bones and strikes that cleaved flesh. She dropped under lancing spears to spin around and remove men of their legs. Even if they jumped high into the air, or threw knives with amazing accuracy, she merely nimbled out of the way and proceeded to ruin more men in a heavy weight shower of blood.

Up above on a tree, unnoticed by anyone, a man idly watched through his binoculars. Even amidst the blood shed, he could see a fain glimmer of a slim necklace. So she still had it after all these years.

He felt strangely pleased.

As the moonlight came out from the behind the clouds, the last man slammed to the earth dead.

Minagi Mikoto pulled a light to her cigarette, ignoring the massacre she incurred behind her as she continued on as always. Alone.

"Nothing personal… it's just business."

-

-

-

"Not Justice as in Justice the Cowboy, Justice as in Peace and Love."

"I'm getting Trigun vibes here."

-

-

-

Miyu shot out a hand with intercrossed fingers.

"EVERYBODY! REPEAT AFTER ME! LOVE AND PEACE!"

-

-

-

"Too hippie. We were talking about Justice as in… Peace. Not Love."

"Combat Waitress Mikuru?"

-

-

-

Nao, for some inexplicable reason wearing a witch hat, muttered rather blandly, as if read off a script, "Why don't we finish this? We're running short on time. We must end this before our lunch break is over."

Midori rather showily guffawed, a rather hard act to do in her waitress get-up, before striking a finger back, "I concur on that point! But XXXXX-kun will definitely pick me! I have faith in him!"

"Unfortunately, I have no intention of respecting his personal wishes. I shall take his power." Was the dull retort.

(Wait. In that case, why didn't you just go capture XXXXX right away, or am I the only one who can see that?)

"I won't let you! That's why I came from the future!"

Power Poses. Tinny Midi battle music.

Midori attacked with various "Dorya!"s, laser beams shooting out of her contact lenses. Nao waved a wand supposedly called Sterling Inferno, which released a lightning bolt of its own-

-

-

-

"Haruhi. Stop. The Cheese is killing me."

"Tch."

"But I think Haruhi's getting warm. I was thinking about Justice sorta like that… but needs more… something."

"More magical girls?"

-

-

-

Natsuki attempted to escape, only to find her limbs immobilized by rotating gold rings.

"A bind!?"

Above her she saw Mai, arm held high above her head while another mechanical magatama encircled her wrist.

"Let's see you take this variation to my Divine Buster."

Threads of disused orange magic returned to each other underneath Mai.

"Kagutsuchi…. **BREAKER!**"

Mai slammed her fist into the waiting sphere of magic. It shrunk in size for just a moment before a massive tongue of flame exploded downwards, completely swamping Natsuki and continuing on into the surface of the ocean, throwing water meters up…

-

-

-

"…That doesn't sound right."

"Not really."

"Not at all."

"Though you have to admit, whenever she goes 'Load Silver Cartridge!', that's pretty sweet."

"You obviously haven't had one shot at you, Person…"

Mulled silence. The night wore on for a total of five seconds.

"I've noticed, those three girls?"

"Which three?"

"I get all sorts of _Noir_-ish vibes from those three."

"Which three!?"

-

-

-

**(Nao attacks Shizuru) **

**(Natsuki counters with Dessert Fork) **

**(Nao's attack fails. Nao receives 9999 Damage on counter) **

**(Nao is defeated. Natsuki receives 871 EXP. Shizuru receives 524 EXP) **

**-**

**-**

**-**

"Can we stop talking about her?"

"Which, the gunslinger girl?"

"No, the crazy one."

"The red-head?"

"She's just disgruntled. That… _crazy_ one."

"…Oh! Her!"

"What, you don't like her, Colt?"

"Hell no. She scares me."

"What's so scary about her?"

"Hello!? Everything!? She's gay, she's mentally unhinged… have you heard that accent of hers? Is it even possible to have an accent like that? Plus she's always smiling… I mean, one day I'm gonna wake up and it's gonna be like-"

-

-

-

With a groan, Colt woke up where he should not have been.

Strapped to a chair with a machine wrapped about his face, something metal in between his teeth.

In a corner he could hear a voice played out on a tape recorder.

_"Gokigenyou, Colt-san. The device you are wearing is connected to your upper and lower jaws. When the timer at the back goes off, your mouth will be ripped open. Let me show you."_

At that moment, a shrill ring entered the air, and Colt saw a mannequin's head fitted with the same trap promptly explode.

_"Ara, just think of it as a reverse bear trap!"_

-

-

-

"Like that. She freaks me out. And she'd be drinking tea the entire time."

"I think we're losing sight of the objective here. What were we on?"

"Justice and Peace."

"Crime and Punishment?"

-

-

-

Nao rushed the SWAT officers with the hatchet she found embedded in a tree stump, and despite her injuries, ripped each and every one of them to shreds in glorious monotone colors.

As she held the last one, she mused cheerfully.

"That's a _damn_ fine coat you have there-"

SCHLACK.

-

-

-

"No, not Crime and Punishment. Justice and Peace."

"Well, what do you want? Power Rangers or something?"

-

-

-

Midori threw out a fist, "Handsome Red!"

Natsuki slammed hers together, "Handsome Blue!"

Yukino twirled about, "Handsome Light Brown!"

Akane met her hands to her hips, "Handsome Dead!"

Shizuru stretched out on one leg, "Handsome Purple!"

Yukariko performed a back flip, "Handsome White Pearl!

Nao pirouetted, "Handsome Pink!"

Alyssa kicked out into the air, "Handsome Gold!"

"We are the Punishing Rangers: The Handsome Men!"

-

-

-

"Wow! Didyou-Did you see that!? A real Handsome Pose!"

"…That's IT! That's what we were looking for! Super Sentai!"

"What happened to Handsome Black?"

"He got killed off by Killer Dan in recent chapters."

"What!? Damn, he was my favorite!"

"But what about Mai and Mikoto and Akira and… yeah? You can't have a Sentai team without a ninja…"

"Hmm… Mai's got some super awesome looking summon, right? Like one that is actually worthy of the lead character?"

"Well it isn't a Bahamut, but…"

"We'll make her Green Ranger. You remember Green Ranger, Colt?"

"I don't watch kiddie shows."

"Well, yeah, but you are aware of an invention called the television, and on it they had the Power Rangers?"

"…Yes."

"Well Tommy was awesome when they introduced him. He had shoulder plates and everything. Plus he was a bad guy in the beginning before he converted. We'll just have Mai do that. Though, truth to tell I was always more particular to Samurai Pizza Cats…"

"Person! We still need a ninja!"

"Where would I put her, Haruhi? Where?"

"…Can't we have her like…Tuxedo Mask or something? Or even in an indirect role like Nagi?"

"I hate Nagi."

"You hate everyone, Colt… with… notable exceptions."

"Well, I still hate him."

-

-

-

Nagi rollicked back and forth, continually smacking Colt while chanting "Goodie Little Two-Shoes!" over and over.

A shotgun was planted in his confused face, before the boy went flipping backwards through the air following a blast.

"Good? Bad? I'm the guy with the gun."

Dragging the unconscious and unusually undead being, Colt proceeded to strap Nagi down, before procuring a chainsaw under the shining moonlight-

-

-

-

"Colt? Colt! You're phasing off here!"

"Oh? Sorry. Ninja as Kamen Rider, right."

"Next up, Mechas. Sentai teams need giant robots. Or at the very least a combinable weapon… you know how much I wanted that laser gun the Power Rangers had? Gugh!"

"I'd rather have that, honestly… somehow I get this feeling that something bad will happen if we tried combinable robots."

"A'ight…"

"So what we've got at the moment?"

"Red, Blue, Light Brown, Dead, Purple, White Pearl, Pink, Gold, an anti-heroic Green, Kamen Rider, and a combinable weapon. What you think it'd be like, Haruhi?"

"Ah, relying on my superior sense of innovation, Person?"

"You mean over actively overdosed…"

"Shut up, Colt!"

-

-

-

**Person With Many Aliases Presents,**

**In Cooperation with Suzumiya Haruhi:**

"**Heroic Sentai Combat Waitresses of Linden Baum"**

**A My-(CRACKED)HiME Fiction**

**Highly Advanced Materializing Equipment property of the Colonial Space Marines**

**Indiscrete References are Just Your Imagination**

**-**

**-**

**-**

**Episode 587: "What do you mean, 'this is the Pilot episode'?" by Mai**

**-**

**-**

**-**

Given that the sun was shining, you could assume that it was a beautiful day.

For those at Linden Baum, it merely meant that Lunch Hours were about to become a pain in the-

"NATSUKI! TABLE 5! MIDORI! 17! STAT!"

See? You couldn't even complete a sentence without someone shouting in your ear-

"Why the hell doesn't Alyssa do anything? Hell, where is everybody anyways!?"

"Shizuru's accounting, Akane's being lovesick, Nao's shirking _again_, everybody's off-shift, and Alyssa's the mascot."

"Sonova…"

Coincidentally blaring red alarm lights started to go off within Linden Baum. Midori rather loudly guffawed.

"WELL OH SNAP! IT LOOKS LIKE THE FIRE ALARMS ARE GOING OFF! EVERYBODY OUT!"

A random schmuck attempted to query, "You should really get those checked, it seems like they're going off every other week-"

"YOU DARE NOT QUESTION ME! OUT! NOW!"

As the possibly-restaurant quickly had its patrons file out, the waitresses (and/or mascot) jumped into an open oven, whose confines quickly disappeared to make way for some sort of chute. After taking some wicked turns down into the bowels of Linden Baum, the various waitresses fell through the exit side of the shaft, sans waitress uniform and plus some pretty _damn tight_ jumpsuits. Color-coded of course.

Alyssa also got a dress. Public safety and all.

Meanwhile, other missing members began to drop in, whether or not it was in their daily itinerary. Yukino and Yukariko, not so much. Nao, and Akane, however…

"WHAT THE FUCK!? I WAS IN THE MIDDLE OF A SHOWER!"

"I was busy with something, too!"

The local authoritative voice cut in with a deadpan, and an authoritative one at that, "We can all guess what it probably involved, Akane…"

At the far end of the room wherein the girls had entered, there lay a large oak desk, intercom, and various other knickknacks. The chair behind all that thus turned around, revealing a familiar girl and the fat cat that was lying in her lap, being contently stroked.

Midori raised an eyebrow, "Mashiro, is that you?"

"What were you expecting? A giant floating head in a tube?"

For some reason, the oldest Sentai member had been, in fact.

"Well, whatever. I just needed to inform you some punk's laying waste to the city. So chop-chop."

Midori thrust a fist into the air energetically, "Alright! HiME Sentai! Take off!"

Yukino's voice wavered from the back, "Um… how do we do that again?"

"Ah, that's the fun part!"

-

-

-

"HOW IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE FUN!?"

"Ara, I think this will be quite an invigorating experience, Natsuki."

"We're about to be SHOT OUT OF A CANNON!"

Midori's voice cut in through the com, _"HiME Sentai! LAUNCH!"_

"Wait! I'm not ready-"

-

-

-

Meanwhile, deep in the city, people screamed and ran from a veritable and admittedly one-sided battlefield, civilians running from that dastardly evil psychic-

-

-

-

"Haruhi, if you cast me as a villain one more time, I'm going butcher you to pieces."

"Just admit that you enjoy the limelight, Colt. Plus, you're the only one with the attitude to match!"

"What attitude!?"

"Hello? Do you remember when we first met? What were the first words that came out of your mouth? 'I'm a psychic super-villain'?"

"That…. That… that doesn't count!"

"Fine, fine. I'll just use Devil Child here…"

-

-

-

Meanwhile, deep in the city, people screamed and ran from a veritable and admittedly one-sided battlefield, civilians running from that dastardly evil, pint-sized, redheaded Devil Child.

"I suppose in the end, there will always been something entertaining about humans running for their lives." Yuuki Darren shrugged, before commanding a vending machine to randomly explode, sending carbonated liquid and aluminum every which way. Just then, there was a shrill sound of something akin to a warhead falling out the sky. It was also simultaneously followed by terrified screaming. Yuuki peered up into the blue with vague interest, fixing her glasses before something exploded into the street ahead of her, sending dust into the air and sheaves of concrete plates jutting vertically.

"You! Foul villain! We shall not allow your evil deeds to come to fruition unhindered! HiME Sentai! Engage!"

Midori threw out a fist, "HiME Red!"

Natsuki slammed hers together, "HiME Blue!"

Yukino twirled about, "HiME Light Brown!"

Akane met her hands to her hips, "HiME Dead!"

Shizuru stretched out on one leg, "HiME Purple!"

Yukariko performed a back flip, "HiME White Pearl!

Nao pirouetted rather irritably, as usual, "Goddamnit… HiME Pink."

Alyssa kicked out into the air, "HiME Gold!"

The entire team thus posed in unison amidst the wreckage of their crash site, "Together we are… THE HIME SENTAI!"

Yuuki adjusted her glasses so that the sun reflected off the lens _just right_, before speaking, "Ah yes, you. Colt told me about his battles with you-

-

-

-

"FUCK YOU HARUHI!"

-

-

-

"-and I believe I have the perfect weapon for you."

Midori scoffed in a heroic way, "Ha! Try as you might, but you can't touch this!"

"Really?" Yuuki gave a bemused look before looking down the street behind her and beckoning, "Ray."

On command, a giant black robot burst out of the ground, shrieking as it waved its thick arm-like appendages and swished its tail experimentally around its stubby legs.

Yukino gasped, "That's…!"

Yuuki smiled "Yes. I control one of the last remaining Metal Gears in this world. Metal Gear Ray."

Levitating into the air, Yuuki made her way towards an opening hatch in head section of the massive machine. Inside, the young girl found herself calmly entrapped by thick harnesses and command consoles, HUDs warming to life about her, until a crystal clear image of the Sentai below her came before her.

"If I destroy you… my lord, The Obsidian Prince will surely look upon me with favor!"

Outside, the Metal Gear screeched.

"Sentai! Scramble!" Midori shouted, before the various girls leapt away from a giant stubby foot crashing into the ground. As per general tactics, the Sentai took it upon themselves to summon their Elements and proceed to launch all Holy Hell upon the black frame of the Metal Gear in hopes that Brute Force would work out somewhere. It unfortunately didn't, and Yuuki's war engine proceeded to open up it's armored face to reveal a giant array of laser weapons.

"**Muda na!"** The massive creature screamed for villain, before a thick cutting beams slashed across the battlefield, hoping to perforate, vivisect, and generally slash the Sentai to pieces.

"Our attacks aren't working!" HiME White Pearl gasped. Nao fought back her urge to groan.

"You friggin' figure?"

"HiME! WATCH OUT!"

The alert was for the series of hatches that were unsealing themselves along the Metal Gear's back, from which six large canisters flung themselves into the air. All of them hovered in the sky for infinitesimal seconds before they each broke apart into dozens of homing warheads that flew back towards the Sentai.

The streets disappeared.

As the plumes of flames started to die away into mere smoke, Natsuki gagged as she tried to fight her way through the smog with one of her guns, her other limb trying to help her face ward off the black fumes.

"Natsuki! Look out!"

HiME Blue decided to look up now. It was a regrettable decision, since all she could see was Metal Gear Ray baring down on her with its face open and it's razor edged beams charging.

"**SHI NE!"**

Cutting lasers smashed the concrete to pieces.

"NATSUKI!" Shizuru screamed. Then suddenly Natsuki found herself being carried out of the smoke at a rapid pace, her savoir a familiar face in a school-uniform.

"M-Mai!?"

The orange-headed girl looked down at her package with a sort of mischievous glee, before unceremoniously dropping her mid-flight, leaving Natsuki to tumble helplessly to a halt.

"That HURT!"

Mai just snorted as she spun to a halt in mid air, bringing her magic bangle encircled hands to her waist, "What am I? Your baby-sitter?"

Natsuki glared. Midori seemed to have no problem with the latest new face, gleefully calling out, "Hey! Mai! You came to help?"

"Well don't fool yourself into believing I was doing any of this for you. That girl just happened to attack while I finally had a chance to go shopping for once. Totally unforgivable."

"**Another one? Fine!"**

Metal Gear Ray's laser embedded face opened up again on Mai. Floating nimbly about the straight cutting lines that seared through the air, Mai retorted, flames growing in her hand.

"You! I have a bone to pick with you, BRAT! HYAGH!"

A blast of fire smashed into the robot's exposed weaponry, pouring smoke forth as it stumbled back drunkenly. Midori grinned.

"Ah-ha! A weakness! Time to do this properly! HiME Sentai! Weapon UNITE! Except you, Nao. You have to tie up its legs."

HiME Pink let off a stream of curses for a good five seconds before rushing forward toward the momentarily stunned machine, razor red wires flying out from her claws until a thick wrapping was taut against one knee large knee join. With a heavy pull, Metal Gear Ray tripped forward falling to one knee, it's ruined face advertising itself to be blasted to pieces.

Calling out a lengthy combination sequence, of which at this time I am honestly too tired to get through, the HiME Sentai various elements joined together to form a ridiculously shaped canon-bore, which fell into the hands of Alyssa at this point, showing her one sole purpose of actually being in the Sentai at all.

"Give 'er hell, Alyssa!"

"Hmmm."

"SUPRAH SHINY SPINNY ATTACK!"

A multi-colored cone of energy cut right through the head section of Metal Gear Ray, leaving a charred hole for a total of three seconds before the rest of the mech exploded spectacularly.

"You haven't seen the last of me, HiME Sentai!" An escape pod hollered irritably, as it haphazardly spiraled into the sky and disappearing in a wink of light.

The generally most enthusiastic ranger of the team leapt for joy, "YES! NATCH ANOTHER ONE FOR THE HIME SENTAI!"

"Whatever, I'm out of here."

"W-wait, Mai! We have to do our post-battle celebration."

"Does it have Karaoke?"

"Well, er…"

"Then no."

"Ara, I think we still have to go return to Linden Baum before something happens."

"Well crap."

And as the day's battle evaporated, one stood unnoticed by the Sentai, hidden as she was in the branches of a tree.

"Hnnn… Interesting. Looks like I need to observe them more…(What the hell? This is the only line I get in this thing?)"

Akira vanished.

-

-

-

"The End!"

"Ten out of Ten, Haruhi!"

"Sucks."

"An average performance, though my opinion is apt to change, given your rather… compelling interpretation of myself."

"W-Well! I don't need your opinion anyways, Devil Child!"

"AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!"

-

-

-

"Voila! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a bygone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition! The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it's my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V."

If she were expecting some sort of encores, Miss Maria did not supply.

"Coral Sara Gallagher, you will get down from there immediately before you break your neck."

"…Yes'm…"


End file.
